In honour of Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, which this year begins the evening of Oct. 3 and ends the evening of Oct. 4, and indeed in honour of atonement rituals in religions everywhere, K&K revives its yearly atonement series, begging forgiveness for past mistakes, misdeeds, egregious errors in judgment and moments of all around douchiness. Once again, we’re sorry.
Once in high school we arranged to meet our friend in the parking lot of a local shopping plaza. It was halfway between our houses and where our group of friends often met up before embarking on evenings of adolescent stupidity, which we’ll atone for at another juncture.
When we arrived at the plaza it was dark and we noticed that our friend, who was considerably smaller than us, had his back turned and was using the outdoor ATM machine.
For some reason we thought it would be funny if we quietly walked up behind him, put our hand over his mouth and pretended to mug him, demanding angrily that he give us “all of his f***ing money.” Naturally, he squirmed fiercely in a panicked “Oh God, I’m getting mugged at an ATM” kind of way before we relented and revealed that the mugger was really one of his close high school friends. Instead of looking relieved, however, he swore at us profusely, still very much upset about the physical assault, and told us repeatedly how it wasn’t funny. Which, in itself, was pretty funny, we thought at the time.
Sorry, Jeff, for pretending to mug you while withdrawing funds at an ATM machine in an ill-lit shopping plaza in a small town often associated with crime and hooliganism. To this day you are still nervous while taking money out of ATM machines and look over your shoulder constantly, and we can only assume that is because of our poorly thought out prank and our inability to put ourselves in your tiny shoes. But you are a bigger man than us, because you remained friends with us after the traumatic incident and you even asked us to be one of your groomsmen at your recent wedding, which we proudly did, even though during the ceremony there was a moment when we imagined walking up behind you during your vows, placing our hand over your mouth and re-enacting the whole thing just to see what would happen, even though we’re pretty sure we know what would have happened. Sorry about that, as well.
