News that B.C. liquor laws will finally enter the 20th but not quite 21st century had the booze lovers at K&K raising their champagne flutes in celebration. (Who are we kidding, we drink covertly at work either from a sippy cup or our Best Grandma in the World! coffee mug.)
But then we took the time to actually read the changes that were afoot and immediately sobered up.
One government recommendation that has most lushes excited is the allowance for eating and drinking establishments to offer time-limited drink specials, a.k.a. Happy Hours. While on the surface this sounds fantastic, we worried that it might diminish the thrill of travelling to the U.S. for the sole purpose of enjoying a few Happy Hours where we get to tell bartenders and fellow patrons, “You know, we’re not even allowed to have Happy Hours in Vancouver!” before erupting into a deep, satisfied belly laugh, and then start singing Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” as we high-five anyone within arms reach. But then we realized that Happy Hours in B.C. will probably be lame since nobody free pours around here and there will likely be regulations about the discounted booze having to be local, free-range and somehow help preserve the constantly endangered Spirit Bear population. So eff that.
Another government recommendation allows parents to take their children into pubs and Legion halls until a certain hour. While this may seem civilized and chummy in a Coronation Street kind of way, we’re not so sure we want to get sloshed — sorry, enjoy a tipple — next to a judgmental teenager or harried parent as they discipline or clean up their soiled child. Sure, we don’t mind drunkenly mixing with the younger folk at sporting events, but our face paint usually serves as a mask to our primordial selves. We don’t even like parents bringing their kids to the coffee shops we frequent.
New liquor laws would also clarify and update regulations for food-primary establishments, meaning customers can go to a Chuck E. Cheese, Red Robin, Boston Pizza and the like just to enjoy the fine selection of Molson products and Yellowtail wines without having to order a basket of jalapeno poppers or yam fries to act as a “food beard.” That’s the name of our next band, by the way.
And finally, if all goes well, diners will be allowed to carry an alcoholic beverage from one licensed area of a restaurant to another. Although this might seem like the most common sense of the recommended changes, we’ve always had a soft spot for ordering a drink at a bar, then sitting on the patio like a conquering hero savouring victory, as we wait for the staff to bring it to us and say, “Here’s your mug of Baja Rosa. Enjoy.”
