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McDonald’s delivery alleviates the shame of eating McNuggets alone… or so we’re told

Filet-O-Fish fans — all 12 of you — and couch-bound pot heads, rejoice. This week, McDonald’s and Uber Eats launched free food delivery service (dubbed McDelivery, naturally) from 11 Vancouver McDonald’s locations.
mcnuggets

Filet-O-Fish fans — all 12 of you — and couch-bound pot heads, rejoice.

This week, McDonald’s and Uber Eats launched free food delivery service (dubbed McDelivery, naturally) from 11 Vancouver McDonald’s locations.

Customers can order anything off the menu, except soft serve cones, and Uber gets a toehold in the B.C. market, which continues to forbid the ride-hailing company from peddling its gig-economy wares in these climes.

While some will surely deride the fast food delivery partnership as a sad reflection of McDonald’s customers’ laziness and lack of positive health choices, we think there could be one distinct benefit: a person’s feelings of self-worth.

Speaking from experience, we’ve never felt anything but hungover or shame when standing in line at McDonald’s.

Have you ever looked at a fellow McDonald’s customer in the eyes?

Probably not, because you’re both staring at your shoes hoping an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend doesn’t limberly jog past and see you inside.

And if you do meet eyes with a fellow McEater, you never see joy or pride in each other’s faces. It’s just meek, feet-shuffling, deep-in-the-bones shame. Which is also why you never see or hear high fives in a McDonald’s restaurant. It’s scientifically proven.

In fact, the closest thing to a positive interaction we’ve had with a fellow McDonald’s customer was shrugging acknowledgement, as if to say, “Oh hey, I guess we’re in this together… making questionable food choices for our doughy body… but what are you gonna do.”

Getting McDonald’s delivered to your bachelor apartment or dank basement suite alleviates this shame and potentially awkward interaction. Unless of course, you feel that your delivery driver is silently judging you. Which he or she probably is.

What a time to be alive.

@KudosKvetches