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Monopoly completes its merciless purge of the majestic thimble

The makers of the classic board game Monopoly fulfilled its terrible promise to purge several iconic game pieces and replace them with more modern, Internet-approved ones determined via an online vote.
tokens

The makers of the classic board game Monopoly fulfilled its terrible promise to purge several iconic game pieces and replace them with more modern, Internet-approved ones determined via an online vote.

Gone are the modest but no less majestic thimble, boot and wheelbarrow, and in their place a sad collection of soulless popularity contest winners with a host of personal issues simmering just below their faux-metallic surface: rubber ducky (infantilism), Tyrannosaurus rex (penis size insecurity) and penguin (overprotective parenting). On the bright side, voters were unable to elect even more lame tokens such as the hashtag symbol, emoji and cellphone that were up for grabs.   

Will any of these superficial changes attract a younger audience to a board game that was invented in the early 1900s and became popular in the 1930s celebrating, as the Atlantic points out, the “victory of personal property ownership and rentier capitalism over the philosophy of shared land value in Georgism”?

We doubt it.

But if you ever find yourself in a heated game of Monopoly against someone who immediately reaches for the T-Rex, attack them mercilessly with utility fees and rents on your properties and do not let them collect $200 after passing go, because as we all know T-Rex fans are terribly insecure and overcompensating for some sort of personal shortcoming.

@KudosKvetches