The long, agonizing wait is finally over. The Pantone Color Institute has announced its “Color of the Year” for 2015. And it sounds delicious. “Marsala” is described as “a naturally robust and earthy wine red… [that] enriches our minds, bodies and souls.” But wait, there’s more: “Much like the fortified wine that gives Marsala its name, this tasteful hue embodies the satisfying richness of a fulfilling meal while its grounding red-brown roots emanate a sophisticated, natural earthiness.” Personally, we think Marsala looks an awful lot like dried blood, and we already have plenty of that splattered around our apartment, thank you very much.
Marsala takes over the colour swatch torch from 2014’s equally pretentious Radiant Orchid, which “encouraged creativity and innovation.” Sure it did.
Sadly, once again, Pantone ignored K&K’s submissions for Color of the Year, which is why we’re sharing them with you.
• Wilted Kale. Not only is it a great name for your next Celtic-ska-funk band, it captures the rich earthy hues of the trendiest vegetable selling at Whole Foods right now. Goes well with complementary colours Rotten Heirloom Tomato and Overpriced Arugula That Will Go Bad Two Days After Purchase.
• Ear Wax. Embrace the warm, caramel tint of this Q-tip friendly colour, which suggests poor hygiene in the most stylish way possible.
• Gregor’s Longing Glance. While the colour of Mayor Robertson’s eyes are up for debate, there’s no debating the understated sophistication of Gregor’s Longing Glance, which combines mystery with the emotional weariness of municipal politics.
• Kirkland Stonewash Denim. Not just your dad’s jeans anymore, this boldly bland and unflattering light blue from the designers at Costco suggests poor eating habits, an attraction to white Velcro runners and an absence of a mirror in one’s life.
• Venison. It’s a little gamey, but this ode to the wild is all natural, tastefully bloody and only slightly damaged with gunshot.
• Nanaimo Fog. Harnessing the bile-inspired charm of pea soup and the beige rage of an overcooked pork chop, Nanaimo Fog coats a room in disappointment, resignation and finally acceptance, as if to say, “I can’t be bothered, so get off my back and let me play Call of Duty in peace.”
