As reported in the Courier earlier this week, Marpole — the Statler and Waldorf of Vancouver neighbourhoods — is bucking the trend and getting its very own strip bar, sorry, “gentlemen’s club.” Much like video stores and newspapers, the strip club industry has seen its customer base dwindle over the last decade due to shifting demographics and the ease in which one can get their ya-yas out on the Internet for free.
And like the g-stringed buttocks the club will be showcasing soon, the response among Marpole has been decidedly divided. Although 1312 SW Marine, Dr. where the Gallery Show Lounge will open in the next few months, has previously been home to such upstanding establishments as Wild Coyote and is near the former site of the Fraser Arms Hotel, which employed exotic dancers until 2004, some residents have voiced concerns over the club’s proximity to elementary schools and suggestive billboards. One resident went so far as to call the club “a pedophile’s dream” and worried about the negative effect the club’s “riffraff” will have on her quaint little neighbourhood where fun takes a midafternoon nap.
Having frequented our share of exotic nightclubs over the years (for research purposes only), we think the problem lies with the club’s marketing strategy. Gallery Show Lounge is not a particularly scintillating name, but its very benignness raises suspicion, kind of like a quiet, middle aged neighbour who dresses completely in beige and has a moustache. The name also doesn’t integrate itself well with the neighbourhood or reflect Marpole’s rich history and salt-of-the-earth inhabitants who like their toast dry and Salisbury steak even drier.
• Right off the bat, a strip club called Mar-poles sounds like a no-brainer. Not only is it a pun on the neighbourhood’s name, it’s upfront about what’s inside. Plus it’s more upbeat than The Shame Room.
• To that end, we thought about suggesting the name Pole Cats, but worried it might be construed as sexist. A definite no-no in the strip club industry.
• If the club owners really want to tip their hat to the area’s longtime residents, they’d be wise to consider Blue Rinse, which conveys old age, raciness and onstage showers, all at the same time.
• Same goes for Afternoon Delight, which evokes a bygone era of easy loving and pubic hair, which again, like video stores and the newspaper industry, have seen better days. Damn you Craigslist, Netflix and Brazilian waxers!
• We’re also partial to Lap Time. It rhymes with nap time, something most Marpolites are familiar with, but it’s also honest enough to say, “Yes, we have exotic dancers who will writhe around on stage to Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” but in order for Brandi, Taylor and Jasmine to feed their kids, they’ll need to make some real money offering private lap dances, so won’t you please join us.”
• Then again, the club could always take ownership of the issue and speak directly to the concerns of residents in a language they understand. Hear ye, hear ye, coming soon to Marpole: A Daily Burlesque of Strumpets and Trollops Performing for Jailbirds, Miscreants and Denizens of Ill Repute.
