With the municipal election a little over a week away and thousands of undecided voters ripe for the picking, candidates and political parties are digging deep into their wish banks, dream journals and aspirational mind maps to promise the electorate a host of warm and inviting goodies.
Vision Vancouver recently announced its bold stance against pedestrian fatalities, vowing to help police crack down on bad cyclists and drivers. Unlike Vancouver’s other political parties, who we assume are in favour not only of pedestrian fatalities but actually increasing pedestrian fatalities, Vision has promised that it’s committed to zero pedestrian deaths in the upcoming year. As for 2016? They’re promising two people, five dogs and a cat will be killed by oncoming traffic. Maybe a raccoon for good measure.
Of course, promises are nothing new to Vision Vancouver. You may recall Gregor Robertson in 2008 promised to end homelessness by 2015. He then amended that promise to end “street homelessness” and still maintains it’s achievable, although the numbers determining the success or failure of Robertson’s promise won’t be tallied until after this election.
Not to be outdone, COPE mayoral candidate Meena Wong told the Courier she would end homelessness by 2018. She’s also promised to raise the minimum wage to $15, implement a $30 a month transit pass, and give every girl in the city a pony on her 12th birthday, provided the pony is fed an organic, fair trade diet and allowed to come and go as it pleases because ponies are intelligent, wondrous spirit animals that can teach us a lot about our heritage, humanity, hope and oats.
NPA mayoral candidate Kirk LaPointe has promised to increase the number of outdoor pools, establish a city ombudsperson and restore free parking at meters outside the downtown core on Sundays and holidays. If elected, he’s also promised to stop mentioning at every press conference he attends how he grew up poor and understands what it’s like to be hungry. Or maybe we just imagined that last one in a fever dream we had last night after eating too much macaroni and cheese.
Speaking of food, both the NPA and Vision have promised to increase funding to school meal programs and feed more impoverished children, as opposed to actively supporting pro-hunger initiatives.
Feeling inspired, we here at K&K have decided to make a few promises of our own this election. First, we promise to do our best to not be easily swayed by crass political pandering. Second, we promise to do more research on the parties and candidates who will potentially shape the city for the next four years. We also promise not to beat ourselves up for really, really enjoying Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” whenever we hear it on the radio or accidentally watch the video two or three times a day on YouTube. And lastly, we promise to vote in the Nov. 15 election — either on election day or at one of the advance polling stations. It’s by far the easiest promise to keep and sadly one not enough people in Vancouver make.
