The members of K&K have done a surprising amount of walking in our chubby lives. We walk to and from work. We walk downtown. We walk to brunch. We walk to the supermarket. We walk to the liquor store far too often. We walk and walk and walk.
And because the majority of our journeys tend to be on foot, we often find ourselves walking behind people while trying to avoid staring at their behinds — male or female — and making a quick and completely superficial mental assessment of whether or not we would sleep with that person in some sort of situation disconnected from the limitations of reality. And as is sometimes the case, said person — whom we are not staring at from behind and not calculating our interest in a hypothetically sleeping with — is smoking a stinky cigarette or eating a horrible smelling Egg McMuffin.
And because we are humble walkers, quietly shuffling our way through life, we do not say: “Excuse me, but would you mind not smoking while we’re behind you inhaling your second-hand smoke,” or “Hey, who eats an Egg McMuffin while they’re walking, anyway? Why don’t you eat that abomination at McDonalds where you bought it or in your own private room of shame so we don’t have to smell the stink of eggs, processed cheese and low standards… And no, we weren’t staring at your behind trying to imagine ourselves in a conjugal embrace. Why would you say such a thing?”
But we remain silent. Instead we keep on walking, thankful we have two legs and the ability to walk. Thankful we feel safe when we walk and are at a relatively low risk of getting shot or attacked by rebel forces or bad people. Thankful we don’t eat Egg McMuffins or smoke cigarettes, because deep down we would probably really love them both if given the chance. And thankful the person in front of us wasn’t eating Zesty Cheese Doritos. Those things are gross.
