I’ve never bought into the Vancouver stereotypes of No Fun City, World Class, or Lotus Land.
First off, if you’re bored in this town, you’re not trying hard enough and I’m not totally sure what makes a city “world class” — although my definition would include housing costs that reflect local incomes. And speaking of incomes, I know plenty of people who work their butts off to make a go of it here.
First off, if you’re bored in this town, you’re not trying hard enough and I’m not totally sure what makes a city “world class” — although my definition would include housing costs that reflect local incomes. And speaking of incomes, I know plenty of people who work their butts off to make a go of it here.
But there is one Vancouver rap that seems to hold true: We are universally, inexplicably inept at dating. Ask any single person in this city, and you’ll hear horror stories of a town full of people too defensive and self-absorbed to get it together for a decent date — not that anyone uses that word, we’re all just “hanging out” these days.
As far as I can tell, it has been ever thus. My own experience of a decade-plus of dating in Vancouver was eerily summed up in a 2012 Vancouver Magazine story that ignited a war of the (hetero) sexes by posing the question: Do Vancouver men suck? It catalogued dozens of women’s experiences with slovenly-dressed, childish men who are utterly clueless about what it takes to make a good first impression.
And, I hear, it’s not any easier on the other side of the gender spectrum. More than one guy friend has lamented the ice princess mentality and aloofness that pervades among Vancouver women. Most dudes are either ignored or met with the kind of alarm normally reserved for a serial killer when they try to strike up innocent conversation (although I suspect that has something to do with the frequency with which women encounter not-so-innocent approaches from men).
In any event, the situation seems to be getting worse. These days, Vancouverites are not only dealing with our special needs status in the dating world, but also navigating the global epidemic of ghosting, trolling and pictures of male genitalia that have become standard conduct in the era of online dating. If you do manage to take meeting offline, the perils multiply. From the girl who showed up drunk, to the guy who blasted death metal out of a backpack-stereo and then tried to sell a beer to his date for bus change, the stories I hear from my dating friends are like horror comedies.
To Suzy Rawsome that’s exactly what they are. A standup comedian and regular performer at the parody music night Weird Al Karaoke, Rawsome recently brought Tinder Tales to Vancouver. The night of true and darkly funny stories named for the ubiquitous dating app originated in Toronto but immediately found a following in our romance-challenged city. Rawsome’s first event in June sold out so fast she had to find a bigger venue. The event is a kind of comedy-turned-group therapy session that presents a rare opportunity for people to share their experience of dating in a face-to-face environment — something we need more of to combat the dehumanizing effects of the Internet, says Rawsome.
While dating apps seem to have reduced romance to ruins the world over, Rawsome posits Vancouver is particularly vulnerable to their influence.
“Vancouver’s one of those places where I think there’s a lot of superficial people and I think that’s why things like Tinder work,” she explains, noting we’re even quicker than most to dismiss people who don’t live up to physical ideals.
Another quirk of this city Rawsome says affects our dating culture — or lack thereof — is that few people can afford to treat potential mates to a proper night out.
“I think that Vancouver, over the last 20 years especially, has become poor. Like we’re all broke, so wining and dining and guys paying for girls in this city is kind of a wash.”
Not that it’s always up to men to pay for women, but the awkwardness of having to split hairs over the bill definitely does kill the mood.
If there’s any hope for us, Rawsome says it’s in being much clearer about what our expectations are on dates (she notes she hears a lot of awful stories from women in particular, but is hoping to even the gender balance in her shows). I might add that we probably need a refresher on what a date is in the first place: an event where two people seeking love put on clean clothes and break out their best manners and try to impress a possible partner.
The expectation is the effort will be returned. It’s entirely possible to do this without spending a dime, but not without expending a bit of vulnerability. I think that’s where we, in Vancouver and beyond, have lost our way. In the era of hookups and hangouts we seem to be approaching dating a game where we are adversaries rather than equals. Maybe we need a gentle reminder that everyone is in tender territory when looking for love, and we’ve all been beat up a bit along the way. If you can get a few laughs in along the way, even better.
The next Tinder Tales takes place July 16 at the Emerald Supper Club. For details, click here.
