Few things are more intolerable than McDonald’s commercials, notwithstanding remnants of a 1994 McRib still making its way through our digestive tract. But the fast food/gourmet coffee giant has somehow managed to outdo its previous achievements of grease and saccharine sentiment with its latest tear-jerker promotional campaign.
Until Feb. 14, random McDonald’s customers won’t have to pay for their sadness meals or shame nuggets if they fulfill an equally random heartwarming challenge issued to them by a gregarious employee working the cash register for minimum wage. According to the “Pay with Lovin’” ad spot, payment can range from calling your mom on your cellphone just to say that you love her (provided she’s still alive) to telling your child what you love about them (for instance, they never judge you for buying McDonald’s instead of preparing a healthier sit-down meal at home) to performing a dance in the restaurant or taking part in a family hug.
Just painful....
Don’t get us wrong. We’re all for McDonald’s establishing a cashless barter system. It’s about time, really. But the exchange should fit the setting.
For instance, if you a want a free Big Mac with fries and a Coke, you should have to write a letter to yourself 10 years in the future apologizing for what you’ve done to your body.
If you want a free happy meal for your kids, payment should be sarcastically shaking the manager’s hand and saying, “Thanks for further degrading me since I can’t afford to pay for healthier food options.”
Also, the Lambada. Surely resurrecting Brazil’s “forbidden dance,” which briefly became popular in the 1980s, by suggestively grinding up against the ketchup and straw counter and making everyone in the restaurant aroused or extremely uncomfortable or, conversely, uncomfortable that they’re feeling so aroused, is worth something.
