In wake of the recent “news” that Mayor Gregor Robertson and his wife Amy have split up and press releases issued by the Mayor’s Office and Vision Vancouver to quash “false rumours being spread online,” K&K feels it’s necessary to come clean as well.
As readers of this esteemed column know, we guard our private lives like a mother badger protects her young as they suckle on her tender teats for milky nourishment.
But the time comes when you have to stand up to the online gossipmongers and haters and tell it like it is in order to get past it.
• K&K would like to formerly announce that we have decided to take a break from watching Orange is the New Black. Sure it’s easy to quit after we’ve already watched the second season, but we feel that there is so little conflict heading into the third season, which is probably years away anyway, that we really don’t care what happens to Piper, Red or Crazy Eyes. This could change in a few months once withdrawal kicks in, but for now it’s over. And contrary to rumours being spread on the Internet by our colleagues, it has nothing to do with the long-awaited, upcoming season of Nurse Jackie. We stopped watching that after she got clean.
• We regrettably admit that on occasion when buying bulk food items at Whole Foods we have written the code for a cheaper non-organic product when in fact we were getting the more expensive organic product. However it was for chocolate covered almonds, not quinoa as some people would want you to believe. Organic quinoa. What are we, Communists?
• Despite suggestions to the contrary, members of K&K are not Communists, nor do they belong to any Communist-affiliated parties. Granted, we would attend a party hosted by a Communist in a heartbeat if said party included free alcohol and was full of sexy-looking Communists, but that speaks more to our love of free things, alcohol and politically-minded people who are sexy rather than our own political leanings, which if anyone cares are firmly on the same mind realm as the yogic-based Natural Law Party.
• Occasionally, when we are feeling lazy, we will order a burrito from Chronic Tacos for dinner. The name alone would normally prevent us from stepping foot in such an establishment, to say nothing of the douchey music, crappy beer selection and TVs constantly playing MMA matches. But we have a soft spot for extra-large burritos, even when they’re made by 20-year-old snowboarders who we’re pretty sure are high. We will do our best to stop this unfortunate habit, but we’re not making any promises. That would be irresponsible.
• We have never listened to Captain Beefheart’s 1969 avant-garde classic Trout Mask Replica.
There, we said it. Are you happy? While we pride ourselves in our breadth of musical knowledge and discerning tastes, the album cover has always freaked us out a little. Sorry, we’re not perfect like some of you.
