This Wednesday saw the annual caravan of adolescent inspiration and vapid celebrity known as We Day pull into Rogers Arena for a few well-choreographed hours of aspirational mantras and feel-good slacktivism. Billed as a “social change event,” the student love-in also featured appearances by such notable humanitarians as Orlando Bloom, Nick Jonas, Selena Gomez and Jennifer Lopez, whose most recent act of social change was liberating her and Iggy Azalea’s glistening behinds from the tyranny of pants in the video for “Booty.”
If we sound a little bitter, it’s because we are. Where’s the We Day for aging dudes and dudettes who don’t have the time or energy to take part in social change, whatever that is, especially since The Walking Dead just started up again and it’s getting really good? That’s why we’re proposing Meh Day.
No need to book Rogers Arena, the event will be held in a bar, pub or anywhere that serves chicken wings. Preferably inexpensive ones.
Meh Day will touch on such themes as “Acceptance of Shortcomings,” “Naps,” “Apathy is Not a Four Letter Word” and “Naps.”
There will also be guest appearances by the rhythm section of ’90s Canadian band Bootsauce, someone who played a dead body in Da Vinci’s Inquest and former BCTV sportscaster Bernie Pascall’s former hairstylist who had to overcome insurmountable odds on a daily basis of transforming Pascall’s ebony quaff into something not resembling a Fisher Price toy man.
A manager of a Marpole Quiznos will tell the inspirational story of how he wanted to become either a science fiction writer or professional snowboarder but settled for a more secure occupation in the food service industry with reasonable benefits, a modicum of job security and a discount on an assortment of savoury soups and delicious sandwiches, though not the Honey Bacon Club or the Chicken Bacon Ranch grilled snack flatbread since bacon is considered a premium item. Though turkey and peppercorn steak are not. Strange, isn’t it?
A cover band from Surrey called the What Evs will play a funked up version of TLC’s “Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls” that would have brought the modest crowd to tears if they were more in touch with their emotions and didn’t compartmentalize everything in their tightly locked “feeling caves” and “sarcasm fortresses.”
Meh Day will be what it is, whatever that is. It will do the best that it can, while it can. It will exist. Eventually. Whenever somebody gets around to it. But that somebody will probably not be us. Because we’ve got stuff to do. And The Walking Dead is on. Man, Daryl sure is cool.
