K&K continues its hard-hitting investigative series examining the campaign videos of Vancouver mayoral candidates running in the Oct. 20 election.
So far we’ve dissected Hector Bremner's artisanal leanings, Wai Young’s fondness for exclamation marks, Ken Sim’s heavy metal past and Ian Campbell’s eerie, David Lynchian walk along a desolate beach.
Next up is mayoral frontrunner and former MP for Burnaby-South Kennedy Stewart.
Stewart’s pleasantly lit video is a bit sleepy, stuffed with housing policy and shots of city high-rises. But what caught our eye is just how damn sad Stewart looks when he casts his droopy gaze over the municipal kingdom he so dearly wants to rule.
How sad is it?
Well, we’ve looped the clips in question together and threw Erik Satie’s sad-sack song “Gymnopedia No. 1” over top to give it the full effect.
That got us thinking. What sorts of sad things could Stewart be thinking about when he stares off into the distance? Here’s what we’ve come up with:
- “What have I gotten myself into.”
- “God, that Mister Rogers documentary sure kicked my emotions in the gonads.”
- “I wonder how much a sun lamp costs?”
- “I should not have given Golok Buday and Mike Hansen my personal email address.”
- “I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me.”
- “This whole keto diet is really bringing me down.”
- “I wonder if the name of my old band — State of Mind — held us back. We should have called ourselves Hero Sandwich like I first suggested. Things could’ve been so different. I could’ve been half-cut on a tour bus right now instead of wearing this suit and trying to look confident and dependable and like I give a crap about diversifying Vancouver’s residential inventory.”
- “Man, I can’t believe Rick didn’t kill Negan when he had the chance.”
- “Broccoli, almond milk, eggs, dish soap…”
- “I know it says it right in the name, but that No Frills store on Broadway and Alberta could really use some sprucing up.”
- “Everyone in this entire city will one day be dead.”