According to an article in the Guardian newspaper this week, a group of authors, including Canada’s own gnomish literary icon Margaret Atwood, are voicing their concerns — sorry, crying out across the verdant loam, tickling the mossy horizon like a newborn’s mush-caked cheek — with Oxford Junior Dictionary’s new direction.
Apparently the publisher of the 10,000-entry children’s dictionary, Oxford Press, has done some pruning in recent years and cut approximately 50 words associated with the natural world including “acorn,” “buttercup” and “minnow” in favour of more tech-savvy words such as “broadband,” “analogue” and “cut and paste.”
“Childhood is undergoing profound change,” writes Atwood and her fellow word warriors in an open letter last Monday, we suspect using quill and ink. “Some of this is negative; and the rapid decline in children’s connections to nature is a major problem.”
Being sophisticated city slickers who not only car-share but keep craft beer in our hand-soap dispensers at home, K&K can’t really comment on the so-called importance of the natural world, but we can comment on other words we’d like to see removed from the Oxford Junior Dictionary or prevented from ever entering its hallowed pages altogether. Starting with:
• Nosh
Don’t like it as a noun, don’t like it as a verb, don’t like to see it written in Cooper Black font on a menu while we’re trying to decide if we really need to order the yam fries instead of a salad with our artisanal grain-fed elk burger. In fact, whenever we read the word “nosh” in a restaurant, we know that nine times out of 10 our drink is coming in a mason jar and there’ll be a beard hair in our meal. Not cool.
• Nom nom
Another food-related expression that really chaps our hide. Even more than using the phrase “chaps our hide.” Instead of uttering or writing the words “nom nom” how about saying “Yummy!” or “That sounds like it tastes good” or “I own a Hello Kitty backpack, if you haven’t guessed already.”
• Natch
Using “natch” instead of “naturally” might save you a couple of syllables, but it makes you sound douchey. It’s the verbal equivalent of a high five, and not the good, ironic kind.
• Derp
If you’re still trucking out this worn-out catchphrase, chances are you’re also holding onto such dusty gems as “Not!” and “whoahhh!” In other words, celibacy has clouded your verbal judgement.
• A’ight
If we need to explain why you should never use this one, it’s already a lost cause.
• Panties
Few words make us squirm as much as “panties.” That and “racism.” There’s just no way to say “panties” in a sentence without sounding creepy or cloying. Plus there’s so many cooler, funnier words you can use, such as “ginch,” “gaunch” or “underpants.” Or in the case of nine out of 10 members of K&K, “commando.”
